I want to resign from this hospital. You might say that I am paid well and have a good position. But, honestly, it’s too painful. In other words, staying any longer would make me sick. I thought I was strong, but I have to listen to my heart. I must acknowledge my weakness. It’s a message from my heart. I can hear it now. I need a change of pace; I can’t go on like this. Besides, the younger staff are doing well. Maybe my role here is finished.
I told my partner that I find my current job hard and that I want to change jobs. Her response was simply, “No way.” Then, she acted as if she hadn’t heard me and went back to petting the dog. I never empathized with others’ suffering, so my suffering isn’t understood. It’s karma.
Still, my son, who knows nothing, asked me to take care of myself. He is growing up. I don’t want to get in his way. Even if I did get in his way, he would probably push past it and continue to grow. So, what about me? Should I endure this suffering until I reach my limit, knowing that my mind and body can’t take any more? No, I have my own path. No matter how old I get, I should be able to continue walking it.
WILLPOWER MELTDOWN SOMETIMES 